in-reading notes: wintergirls

This book is harrowing. Not just because it's meant to be and has that built in contradiction between what she's saying and what she's doing (and I really love the strike-out in the text to show the disjunction between what she's thinking and what she's telling herself)-- but also because of how close to home it hits.

I was never intentionally anorexic, but it was ingrained enough that reading this book is hard. It's bringing up old thought patterns and the newer patterns that developed to deal with them-- while she's talking about not eating, all I want to do is eat to prove that I'm not like that anymore. It might be in part because I'm currently trying to lose weight, and the whole calorie-counting and food-choice-making feels a little too like anorexia sometimes, but this book is just too much sometimes.

But it's fiercely good. And frequently very beautiful. Which is part of the problem, I think. If it was relentlessly horrible, it wouldn't affect me so much.